This is an interesting concept! I recommend adding some personal touch to the text, like making an important word a different color. I'd also like to see a background.
This is a lovely story, even if the visuals did not work. I think it would be very well complimented by some audio, like a subtle background track. Well done!
Like the others are saying, the image didn't work for me but the story was great! I loved the mystical feel of the writing/dialogue and it would be really interesting to see that reflected some way through the text styling or by adding illustrations/sound.
Very beautiful story, I love the theme you chose of the afterlife. Although it is just text it is still really immersive and interesting because of the choices you can make and the outcomes of those choices. Great job!
The story is pretty interesting! I was hooked frim the first passage. You're really good at story telling!
It would have been a bit more engaging if there were at least a few illustrations to go along with the passages, but as I already said, the story is still good regardless.
I liked the game! I'd love to see illustrations to go along with some of the passages, at least when characters are introduced. The image you have on the first page seems broken on my end at least, it shows up as the little missing image icon. Other than that, I'd say keep exploring this theme!!
This is a really strong start, but you can definitely do more to create a more fleshed-out central theme to your story. I also think it might help to develop these characters a bit more in order to help engage the player more in the story and why they care about returning to the physical/mortal world. I can't wait to see where you go with this story and what you do with the visuals. Keep up the good work!
This is very promising. You are slowly moving us to a central moral question (go back and help Hana or accept dead), which add stakes to an otherwise surreal situation. As of now, Koji is more of a plot device than a character. It makes sense, given the circumstance, but it also means that adds opportunity to expand and grow. So how to flesh Koji more as a character? Think of her as someone who also has a moral point of view (an idea of how to behave in the world)., and test that point of view in her own choices and goals. You are already hinting at this: why did she showed up as a deer first, and not a s a human? She probably knew human would be more easily recognizable, and yet choose deer first. Later in the story, when she asks about the benefit go giving the Player a second chance, you can describe her own goals and aspirations. I think the story depends on moving Koji (and maybe Hana) into characters that have their own world view, goals and obstacles. What do you think?
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This is an interesting concept! I recommend adding some personal touch to the text, like making an important word a different color. I'd also like to see a background.
This is a lovely story, even if the visuals did not work. I think it would be very well complimented by some audio, like a subtle background track. Well done!
Like the others are saying, the image didn't work for me but the story was great! I loved the mystical feel of the writing/dialogue and it would be really interesting to see that reflected some way through the text styling or by adding illustrations/sound.
Very beautiful story, I love the theme you chose of the afterlife. Although it is just text it is still really immersive and interesting because of the choices you can make and the outcomes of those choices. Great job!
The picture cannot be displayed. Also note that "]" is displayed in some places, you may want to delete them.
In addition, the interesting story, the story itself attracts players to continue playing.
Your script is very good, maybe you can consider adding some pictures or touched music.
The story is pretty interesting! I was hooked frim the first passage. You're really good at story telling!
It would have been a bit more engaging if there were at least a few illustrations to go along with the passages, but as I already said, the story is still good regardless.
the picture at the beginning didn't work but interesting story
I liked the game! I'd love to see illustrations to go along with some of the passages, at least when characters are introduced. The image you have on the first page seems broken on my end at least, it shows up as the little missing image icon. Other than that, I'd say keep exploring this theme!!
This is a really strong start, but you can definitely do more to create a more fleshed-out central theme to your story. I also think it might help to develop these characters a bit more in order to help engage the player more in the story and why they care about returning to the physical/mortal world. I can't wait to see where you go with this story and what you do with the visuals. Keep up the good work!
This is very promising. You are slowly moving us to a central moral question (go back and help Hana or accept dead), which add stakes to an otherwise surreal situation. As of now, Koji is more of a plot device than a character. It makes sense, given the circumstance, but it also means that adds opportunity to expand and grow. So how to flesh Koji more as a character? Think of her as someone who also has a moral point of view (an idea of how to behave in the world)., and test that point of view in her own choices and goals. You are already hinting at this: why did she showed up as a deer first, and not a s a human? She probably knew human would be more easily recognizable, and yet choose deer first. Later in the story, when she asks about the benefit go giving the Player a second chance, you can describe her own goals and aspirations. I think the story depends on moving Koji (and maybe Hana) into characters that have their own world view, goals and obstacles. What do you think?